Monday, May 01, 2006

please relink
iloveyou||10:40

Friday, April 28, 2006

i still love [U] best!


i still loves st nix the best! i love sngs sports day!
yellow house roxs!


28 april [back in st nix]
i was in yellow house in st nix! we rox! hahas :)
29 april [Ajc sports day]
i am in puma (green) house in AJC. it's not bad. we clinched second :)


but the atmosphere at both locations are totally different! in aj... it's like so "not high"....
the cheers are not nice, not creative not cute...so normal....
st nix ones are so cute lah... every year is different, creative and nice. adapted from those pop songs and stuff! OMG. i juz love all of them.
the runners are so slow...
even our pdg team (consist of sharon, yvonne, wan yi and me - not from track or sports cca) got into finals lor (the 5th timing i think)... OMG! if i' in st nix... maybe bottom 5 also wont reach lor... ( can u see the difference in standard? ) Oh well...
st nix cheerleading are the best man!
comeon lah, i think anyone that have seen st nix cheerleading would think aj ones is like "dotz...." lor.... completely pale in contrast. ur should seriously go and see lor.... the standard between st nix cheerleading and aj cheerleading. aj= pri school standard, st nix= university standard.


not that i dun like AJ or anti AJ lah. but, please, if u dun believe what i say, go and see for yourself lah... or ask anyone who have seen both, that are not from either st nix or aj.


stress level = 52 ( severely risk of being burnout by stress)
i'm stressed.
abt studies
abt health...
(i scare my eyes got prob.... it feels rather uncomfortable these days... think i should go for eye check up soon)
iloveyou||22:32

Thursday, April 20, 2006

rainy days....


i love rainy days.
it makes me comfortable.
i like the coolness in it.
i like the silence after the rain.
it makes me feel calm.


but rainy days also makes me feel kinda "low"
i dunno why.
emptiness. that;s what i feel in my life.
all of a sudden.
i dunno why.


i'm sick of the lifestyle i have sometimes
i dislike the routine lifestyle.
yet i hate disorder.


i have no direction in life now...


i used to be independent
i used to be decisive and firm
i use to be loud and agressive
i use to be full of confidence.
i used to be...
when i was younger...


but somehow, i feel my energy is draining away as i grow older.
why?
is being mature means
to take more things into consideration
and not make fast decision?
is being mature means
being demure and soft?
am i matured?


why am i not the person i used to be before?
since when have i become so paranoid and percieve life in such a negative view?


why?
i try so had to be the person i want to be
in the end forgetting how to be the person i used to be
whom i really am.


i'm lost.
i try so hard to please everyone around me
i smile at them, joke with them, laugh with them
but behind these smiles and laughters,
what is left is juz emptyness.
behind that radiant face
what is there is actually a blank. darkness.


i'm not on path in anything.
i'm lack behind for most of the things i do
studies cca and everything...


i start to dislike the things i do
these are the things i enjoyed doing previously
yet now, they are juz like burdens of my life
tianying.... ... haiz... i'm sick of it.
thinking of having my weekend spent at sph makes me feel sick.
i dun like it at all.


i'm waiting for aug to come.
then i can wave good bye to all of these things that have hurt me
so much
so much
i cant wait to cast it away.


i've not done a good job
but i have no intention of doing it anymore.
i'm tired of it.
utterly disappointed with all of it... and
with me myself i.


what is happyness?
is it juz the facade of agony?
iloveyou||19:34

Friday, April 14, 2006

it's good friday...
[joyce loves holidays!]


woohoo...
mugger club meeting yesterday was fun!
hahas. finished my chem bonding tutorial 1. ok lah... not very productive. but still manage to get some work done...
mugger club seriously need some discipline alr... if not mugger club will become slacker club already!


dean said i'm an extreme mugger?!!!! AM I?!!!!! OMG!!!! do i look like mugger??? oh no!!!! i am not k... i dun mug alot, i'm juz doing homework... BOO!


dean! you deframed me! "U BETTER WATCH OUT!"
lolx....
i got ur pic too... +winks+


boo. anw... i've post in on image station. (click the link http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2107397869)
anw... beside the new mugger club pic... i've uploaded a few more pic to the creamble tea album too! do visit it when u are free :)


OH YA>>> DEAN"S msn space got lotsa photos too! do go! hahas
here's the link:
http://spaces.msn.com/deanchee/PersonalSpace.aspx


crazy dean.... gotcha





iloveyou||12:29

Saturday, April 08, 2006

too long never update already.... suddenly feel like updating... but too much to update...
and i dont know how to sum up the events that had happened.


i juz wanna say, it's my bdae today! hahas. love my cake from my mama love my cake from my dear class 2506! love it love it love them! hahas.
heh... let's see what will interesting events will i experience today! hahas. i wanna be happy be crazy be loved!!!! (greedy pig!)


and after a busy and chaotic week of crazy bubble tea sales (aka creamble tea).... finally it ended magically one friday..... yup yup... finally ended... apart of me feel so relief, while another part of me feel a tinge of sadness... it all ended so fast... i think i'm missing the time we all gone mad and crazy taking the orders .... hmm..we made PROFITS of over double hundred! hahas... anw... S2506! i juz love all of u!


[thank you siang ning and suren for planning the bdae surprise for marc and me! i realli love it! thank you so much! lurve ya] :)


i've uploaded the photos already. you can go and see! click here : http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2107609262



iloveyou||10:31

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

went for this MBIT personality test conducted by the school. and got quite intesting results. it's true to a certain extent i think.... hmm...

i'm slightly an Extravesion person
perople who tend to focus on the outer world of people and things.
[opposite] Introversion
perople who tend to focus on the inner world of ideas and impressions.


i'm clearly an Intuition person
perople who tend to focus on the future, with a view toward patterns and possibilities.
[opposite] Sensing
people who tend to focus on the present and on concrete informantion gained from their general senses.


i'm clearly a Feeling person
people who tend to base their decision primary on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns.
[opposite] Thinking
people who tend to base their decisions primarily on logic and on objective analysis of cause and effect.


i'm clearly a Judging person
perople who tend to like a plannes and organised approach to life and prefer to have things settled.
[opposite] Perceiving
people who tend to like a flexible and spontaneous approach to life and prefer to keep their options open.


and base on my results, i'm generally a person who's
warm, empathetic, responsive and responsible. highly attuned to the emotions, needs and motivations of others. find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. may act as catalyst for idividual and group growth. loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. sociable, facilitate others in a group and provide inspiring inspiring leadership.


PS: u can try this test (see the combination of all the 4 factors listed above) and i can tell u the general personality of u. hee. this result is juz an general analysis, if u wanna get a detail report on ur personality do take the MBTI test it's realli not bad :)
iloveyou||18:37

saying good bye to my old friend...

it's hard to say good bye to someone u love, it's difficult to throw away something which u held close to your heart, it's tough to overcome the feeling of parting with something which u valued alot alot...


i dunno why, after going through months of considering and thinking i still choose to forgo my close old friend - chinese... (many people wld find me werid to feel affilated to chinese, but i reallydo.) i dont particularly love chinese, but i dun detest it too. it's an old friend, whom never fail to give me an A in my results all these past 10 years of education. it really helps me alot in getting the results which i got now. it really help me alot in life. why have i become a student correspondent for the press? it's because of chinese, why my L1R5 is not that bad, it is also partly due to the A1 it gave me in my higher chinese subject. and for many many incidents and situations, chinese helped me alot. when i was younger (in pri school) i love it alot. coz i can score very well in it, however, as i grow older, i became unappreciative of it. i dun love it as much, den i dun love it anymore. it became merely a tool for me to get an A in my result slip. i became ungreatful... i dunno why... maybe i'm sick of it suddenly... why? i dunno why too...


initially, i choose H2 chinese and literature as one of my JC curriculum... i wan't happy with my choice... maybe coz i'm curious about the world of economics, or maybe it's due to peer influence (a majority of pupils took econs, and in AJC JC1, only 6 people choose H2 chinese and literature lah...that is so pathetic...) i wanst brave enough to be join the minority.... i feel insecure being the minority.... i dunno why... a loser, am i?
also, my the class which i'm posted to, has so little chinese... a good majority of them are indians and malay. it's not that i'm racist or what, i juz not use to it... i feel so super insecure there... i'm like so foreign there.... i think my insecurity can also be due to the fact that i have very little friends in AJC. it's unlike st nix, which i can say hi to almost anyone i see on along the corridor... i feel so outcasted... with no friends... my class only got two three person posted to ajc, including me... and i can only stick to xinyi... coz she's the only one familiar to me.... we both feel so lonely... it's sad...


then i decided to forgo my old friend - chinese, and venture into the world of economics... i appealed to change my subject combination form H2: physics, chemisty, mathematics and chinese to the common combination of H2:physics, chemistry, mathematics and economics... i feel insecure too, but much less... the reason why i still feel insecure if because i dunno anything abt econs and i dunno i'll like it or not, maybe i'll hate it den i'll regret oppting out of chinese... and furthermore, i'm not a very smart student, nor one who can manage time very well. so, i'm afraid that choosing 4H2 with econs as on of them (a subject which i'm totally unfamiliar, unlike chinese) will be very taxing and i wont be able to cope with the amount of work that i'll have to due with later on... (i'm a frickle minded person...)
there are people telling me that econs is very difficult to do well in.... this make me feel worse... oh no... i dunno if i can survive my year end promos or not... i'm so scare u know....
maybe my fears to u are all irrational and i worry too much, but u cannot assure me that i wont retain right? :( i'm scare...


from class 13/06 to 25/06, i went through alot of emotional struggle and conflicts...(i'm not exaggerating okay.) but fortunately, i feel much better now... because i have good classmates in 25/06. initailly, i was afraid that i cant be accepted into the class, but the girls of the class were very friendly and nice and on the first day i transefer into the class, i was invited to join them for the mini class outing to nyp for lunch. it was quite enjoyable and i got to know more people. they are quite funny. hahas. den today was good too. we went for break together after pe and sat together in lectures. of coz i'm not forgetting xinyi too, she's in the next class. and somemore of subject combination is the same, so most of the time we attend the same lectures together too! and we had pe today! took height and weight ( i grew heavier already!!! OH MAN I WANNA CRY ALREADY!!!) but after we did some running around the track... ok... at least made me feel better coz my perspiration soaked my pe t-shirt wet... meaning i lost some body mass right? hahas. not bad, keep it up! (yue qiu ensure me that ajc pe will slim us down! so i'm happy :) hee. )


i'm appointed the class treasurer! hahas... not too bad... nvm... with me, i think ur can rest in peace already! i'm very good with money! hahas (joyce is becoming snobbish alr.. hahas)
i wanted to be chemistry subject rep initially, but after what she said abt "woah, later i fail my tests den so xia suay..." den i change my opinion already. hahas... yaya... i rather not be subject, given that i predicted that i'll fail some of my tests... hahas (but i'll still pray that i wont fail any...please grant my wish!!!)


finally, i hope i can do well in both my academic subjects and with people around me...
iloveyou||17:43

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

it's holidays.
i dont want to wear vj uniform. i want sa uniform. i dont want vj cheers. i cried when they made us sing vj anthemn. yeahh. i feel like a traitor. geri misses sa too! sa is like a home. yeah. i cannot accpet the fact that this is it. where im staying fro 2 more years. vj is far away in the east. its so foreign, the faces are so foreign. i really regret not staying.
-quoted from zhixuan.
i feel exactly the same.... juz that mine is not vj but aj, not sa but ny....


anw....
although i dun realli like aj, even till now...
my og - elementi : chispa won the best og overall. (isn't that great? but somehow, i juz dun feel like a winner...)
my orientation elemental (or u can call "orientation house") won the best elemental award. but i still dun feel like a winner... i dunno...
i feel that my life is juz like a facade now in aj... i may look happy and enthu and wild on the outside, actualli my heart is not there... i dunno...
maybe i'm not use to the environment there. somehow, i dun feel ready for that school...
sometimes i even feel sad for myself... i have no close friends there.. they are only those "hello and goodbye" aquaintences, but not friends that i can pour my hearts out to...
like ah feng have said, i'm juz not use to get out of my comfort zone.


lots of work to catch up with..haiz... but i dun feel like moving and getting my work done! i dunno why! i'm juz irritated with life.


enough abt unhappy stuffs.
okay.


basically, i was happy when school ends on friday.


chapter 1: friday 10march (noon/evening)
i went out with -toot-. hahas. it was funny and makes me laugh! (how nice it is to be in your comfort zone...with someone u like unlike in school)
initialy we wanna cut our hair, but we didnt make it on time before 5. coz if we cut on weekdays before 5 pm, we'll enjoy a student price of only $20 (UP:$28) hahas. so we didnt cut hair on friday. dUH. hahas.


then we loiter around far east, looking for neoprint shop, but we couldnt find one. (two blind people) hahas. so we walked around far east for dunno how long... anw, i got my ear ring there! happy! but it's pink! coz -toot- loves pink! therefore chose a pink one for me...but nvm lah, i like it too. hahas.


so we walk and walk and walk again...
den we reach paragon. why? coz -toot- want's to use paragon toilet. dotz....
brought marks and spencer chocolates! and grabbed two free super delicious sweets at the cashier... :) bought special favoured biscuits for toot's mum! :)


continue walking...
we reach hereen!!! hahas. took neoprints! *snap snap snap snap* happy! hahas. this is the 2nd time i took neoprint this years! (nowadays neoprints machines are so expensive. they cost 10 bucks each and that really burn holes in our pockets!)
luckily we look nice in the neoprints. if not i'll cry! hahas... happy! :)
the suaku tootie and me, having not much experiences in neoprint designing, spent abt 1 hour decorating our neoprints at the back of the machine. hahas... luckily that machines has no designing time limit. hahas. that's why we can draw on it for as long as we like! it was funny and fun. hahas. i'm loving it (my neoprints) hahas. :)


tootie bought a pair of converse shoes. hahas. it was nice and very white. although at discounted price, i still thinks it's fairly costly. tootie also bought for me a pink and grey converse school bag. (it's pink again, since when have joyce become so pinky? hahas... it's tootie! tootie loves pink. coz pigs are pink.... wadever.. but i still love it. hahas. i'm being nuture to love pink like any other gals now...)
thanks alot tootie for the early bdae present :)


walk again....
we walked to food republic in wisma to have dinner. we shared hokkien mee, mango pudding and "hargao" (those praw dim sum). was so full! ate so much! i think i'm becoming fat again! oh no!


chapter 2: saturday 11march (evening/night)
went to ah bo's house to stay over. i love going to ah bo's house! my aussie aunt also back... and she's a hilarious woman. full of jokes and super loud... keeps me laughing all day.
we watched 2 vcds and we all fell asleep on the second one... dotz.
went to bed, den i'm alive again... slept on my cousin's bed. coz he went out party with his friends that night (acs pple u know.. rich enough to indulge in laborious parties, unlike the poor little girl here...can only blog... hahas..) when i went to bed, me and my aussie aunt was suddenly awake and we chatted till past midnight! it was fun. she's a very open woman and it's realli nice talking to her.


joyce has got super magic fingers! when i was operating the dvd the next day, the disc got stuck in the machine. den after a split second, the disc player made the weirdiest noise i ever heard and the disc when phew~~~ and flew inside a seculded corner insider the disc player! when i press the eject button i see no disc on the disc plate already! +panick!+ i thought the player would be spoilt having a disc stuck inside but it wasnt, it work perfectly fine! hahas... ok...nvm.. treat it as an addititon inplant i do for the disc player then. told my aunt abt it, both went "hoo haa... i couldn't believe it. how did u do that joyce?" hahas.

chapter3: sunday 12march
went to queensway to buy shoes with weilin. sport shoes! it cost a bomb! it's 159bucks! (abt discount somemore, up:$189) who says queensway shoes are cheap? it still burns a hole in my already holely pocket... hahs. it's not a pink one this time. it's purple! hahas... purple and grey. i like it :) ok. think i gotta save money from now onwards already. it not i'll be realli broke in no time. and my piggy bank account has been starving since chinese new year... hahas. :)


went to victoria theather to watch huang cheng yan tu (hcjc production) with weilin. it was ok. but i still thinks bai yun gang is nicer. ahahahas...


there's a family dinner. my two aunts and my cousins and weilin was there! hahas. so fun. mummy cooked curry fish head and everyone ate alot simply coz the food was delicious! hahas. :)
let me tell u sth, u cant judge a person's consumption rate by his/her size. ahhas.
everyone was happy! hee.
joyce's happy too!


chapter3: monday 13march
went to school in the morning in my new school uniform. i think i look ugly in it. look like some factory worker. i dun like the dull colour.... haiz... oh well. went for physic lessons. even though the teachers are weird...behaves in a very queer manner.... but they are quite good i think... coz i sort of understands them better than the nyjc physics teachers.


went for lunch at j8 in my ugly uniform. saw ellen and cynthia(chi ji).
off tootie and joyce to far east to cut hair! hahas... went to klear cut. serice there was good! i like my new hair style. even though aunt christina and anges all say not muz diff from the previous one. but now it's neater and my fringe which was longer than my face now's above my nose le. hahas. den the back of my hair nicer with layers and it's straighter after they do sth to it. and it's only $20! i like. i love tootie's hair too.... not so nerdy looking alr. messy but nice! hahas. but you fringe is still very long!!! almost as long as mine le. hahas... but oh well... next time muz wake up earlier to style your hair k, it not not nice le :) hahas. christine will laugh if u nv style ur hair, so u better style. hahas. :)


went to aunt's house for tea. den tootie helped to extract out the disc i implanted into the dvd player on sat morning. cunday morning.


went for cable car dinner in the evening! so cool! service was good. and the atmosphere is so romantic and nice. hahas. (except the backgroundmusic abit weird...sung in some unknown language). hahas. it's a 3 course dinner. and it cost $158 dollars! boohoohooo! damn ex lah...(but we got voucher.hahahas) it's really nice and peaceful and romantic. i like that place. super beautiful and breathtaking. it was an unforgettable experience for me!
iloveyou||09:10

Thursday, March 09, 2006

i resigned to fate....


life is tough. we have to make many choices along the way. it's not that given choices to make is not good. but it's troublesome and tiresome to make a choice. making a choice is easy, but sticking to and not regretting what you've chosen is difficult.
during these 3 months. i made a few choices that will determine my life... my future. it doesnt mean that i cant change my path after i've made these choices, but it's gonna to be dificult to twist them back.


first.
going to AJC is my choice.... or rather i'm fated to be there.
during my honeymoon first two months in NYJC i thought i could settle there. but the gp lessons have shown me that i'm not meant to be there. we are different... although i enjoy being there.
like a fish that cant live in juz a small tiny tank. being restricted.


second.
not going nj already. even though appeal successful. coz i'm afraid i'd die of stress there. probably i'll get kick out due to bad results juz a few months later. maybe i cant make it. i'm not a smart student anw, i'm juz a normal mediocre. normal and normal and average. i cant do great things but i'm not a loser too. i'm juz an average normal girl.... so i dun insipe to mix with the excellent students, i'll die of stress, if not, maybe will get premature aging due to the presure of being last in the school.
like a small fish that's afraid to be drown in the big stromy ocean.


third.
so, fate brings me to aj. i admit i hated it at first. ( although i dun hate it anymore now i still detest aj) u can say i'm superficial. but it's realli ugly and it's facilities sucks lah. but of well. i've got no other choice. aj is most suitable for my standard. cant say i'm the best there, but certainly i'm not the last. and it offers me quit a rage of good subject combi... (i can take 4H2 in ajc) . aj has good teachers too ( i heard there are better than nj and probably more dedicated or if not the same as nyjc teachers) so that's not a bad deal. the people in aj are not too bad. althought dun have close friends yet, but generally, everyone is friendly and nice. yup :)
even though orientation is boring and not as fun as nj's orientation, i dont have a choice to opt out.so ya. guess i have to stick there for 2 more years already. yup : i dunno how i should fee. but of well.... i think i should juz resign to fate. in this way, a least i wont feel that sad, coz i wont be thinking abt it too much this way.
like a fish, to big to be kept in a tank, too small to be thrown into the ocean, therefore, it can only chose to live in the pond. even though she may not like the taste of the water in that pond....


fourth.
made my subject combinations already. finally. after a long long long time of hesitation. finally, made my decision... hmm of rather, i should put it this way, finally chose something for myself. in case u do not know, i chose my subject combination by drawing lots. coz i realli dunno which to take. should i take the one which i have more interest in (econs) ,or the one i know i can do better in?(chinese)
in the end, i chose chinese. (coz i draw lots 3 times, and it's the same response the same time, even though i throw it different, even my mum also come in to help me pick one too... ) so... how can i not resign to fate? 3 times with exactly the same option. how can it al be this coincidental? is this fate? i believe it is.


fate. a stange and coincidental thing that moulds you life.....

iloveyou||00:00