Sunday, February 19, 2006

i feel like a useless trash.
the feeling of not being needed by anyone is horrible and scary...
makes me feel so insecure and sad....


i cant even do simple things...
and not even allowed to do....


i feel so useless....
unneeded, unwanted.
like a trash...


:(

today the sky looks gloomy and looks like it's falling down already.
who will push them up for me and put my heart at it's rightful place.....


i hate who i am.
useless trash...
iloveyou||18:02

Thursday, February 16, 2006

yasi, jingru, xinrong and the rest of 0632, i've finally uploaded the little pictures that we took. [link] not very clear.
wait till i take over hundred pictures of us den i'll burn them into a CD and give ur. hahas.
from tml onwards i'm gonna bring photos to school often. hahas. ur bring too leh!
we muz take more pictures k! :)
iloveyou||20:32

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

many pple complaint that i have not updated my blog for a long long time already... oh well... too many things happened and too difficult to keep track and write all of them down.


ok, if u wanna ask me abt my mood now, i tell u.... i'm feeling very pissed.
i'm so sad, so troubled, so irritated! i'm angry with myself. i'm angry and sad for myself. irritated and hate myself for making the wrong decision...


1.
olevels result was out last friday. didnt do well. was quite pathetic....
i got my As... but no matter how i add them, they'll sum up to 10 points..... oh well.
ok. not realli sad... but rather disappointed... coz i thought my beloved chemistry would get an A1 but it end up as an pathetic A2 lah... i spend so much time studying chem lor... and in contrast, i didnt touch much of my physic. was expecting a B3 or B4 for physics, since i got only 51 points for my prelims and in the actually Os, i screwed my practical and my paper 2 was crap. i dunno how to do dunno how many questions lor. i think the maker muz be so pissed when she see my paper (and u know, when i dunno how to do, i get irritated, and my handwritting will become so so so so ugly and untidy...) and u know what, i got A2 for physics! OH MAN!!!!! i feel so cheated....
den my humanities sucks.... haiz... den in the end no matter how i count i got a total of 10 points! after deduction of the bonus of 4 points, i end up with 6 points. it's a lousy score..not here not there...and gave me lots of trouble.


i know my chances of going to nj is very slim... but i still gave it a try. i put is as my first choice. but chances are: i'll not get in lor... then my second choice.... (i regret putting it the most!) i put ajc...oh man u should go and see the school. it's exactly like a factory on the outside lah... den inside is even worse than a factory! the library is lousy... reference books are so limited and so small. labs are damn ugly. like those ancient science labs where there's lots of ghost story abt them... wodden shelves lor! (can u imagine it???) den the canteen is so pathetically tiny! the school looked so cramp and small and the atmosphere is so gloomy! it's also very humid and the air there is like stagnant! OMG! i realli hate that place... but i think i'll end up there most prob de!! coz it's my second choice! i wanna change, but it's all too late... i thought i could tolerate it at first, but the more i think the more i'm afraid i'd end up there.... two years there... it is like two years in a run down squatter! i'm so scare! i dun wan to be there...
please, i realli hope that i can get into nj, but if i cant, i hope aj dun wan me and give me back to nyjc! ny is like heaven compare to aj lor!!!!! ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i regret so much not putting ny as my 2nd choice... until i wanna change, i cant log on to the jae site already! sob sob sob sob sob.... (seriously, ur can try to go inside aj if u wanna know what i mean.) and also, my friend added this detail : when there's heavy rain, the ceiling of aj will have water dripping down!!! it;s even leaking lah! can u imagine how pathetic that school is???? i'll feel so sad if i were to get there....
i hate myself for chosing that option.... :(


2.
bai yun gang is coming but i am still not tuned to the mood of start preparing for it. i dunno why, i juz feel so sian. i juz dun feel like doing anything. i think the senior there are not very friend... dunno... i alws have this feeling that they alws think that they are better off than u and got this air of arrogance.... dunno... maybe i'm too sensitive. (though some are genuinely nice too)
i sold all my tickets already! yeah! luckily. i feel good abt it! but i feel so mean for "forcing" jinzhu to buy... coz i gave the whole class vdae present so i gave him too lor... den he said "he has got nothing to give me.." den instead of saying nvm, i asid "why not u buy the eight dollars ticket from me!" and he realli did lor. OMG. and i know he cant watch it too de, as he got volley ball training on both days of the performance... he juz buy coz he dont want to owe me any favour... i feel so guilty now... haiz... hope he sudden have no training that day... den he can watch le... hahas. :)i dun want byg to come, yet i cant wait for it to be over.... i think i'm mad...


3.
vdae was nice. i love this vdae. i love the dinner, the wallet, the flower letters, the cup, the tulips and most of all, the piggy bank! thanks you so much. i love the fireworks too! i love singapore river and esplanade. it's a splendid view...and above all i juz love you!
i love all my friends
i love all the sweets the chocolates
i love yasi's rose roche, jinru's jellies and mashmallow, xinrong's chocolate, jeanette's rose and letter, jiaxin's daisy and also weilin's creative sweet chocolates!
i hope eveyone like my present for ur too! i bake the cookies myself k! and it's less sugar (organic sugar)and less butter. so it's definately healthy! hee.
i love aunt christina's crystal key chain too! so sparkling beautiful!
i love vdae! thanks you everyone for making it so nice and sweet and warming for me :)


4.
i have to do huixun.. and zigeng di is not ready yet... so busy!!! haiz... hope everything can be done and completed smoothly. i hate pple who promise to do work and submit it, but after deadline alr still havent hand them it... do they have the slightest idea how much trouble they'd coz the others? simply irriting and inconsiderate. oh well.... nvm... i shall be nice and not say anything.


waiting for 3rd march only....
iloveyou||22:50